The Impact of Divorce on Children: Understanding and Mitigating the Effects

Divorce can be difficult on all parties concerned. When children are involved, it’s especially important to consider their well-being and take steps to mitigate the effects of the divorce on them. Of course, the impact of divorce on children can vary case by case, but the following are some common responses and issues you might face as well as strategies for supporting your children through them.

Emotional Sensitivity

Change is difficult for everyone, but children in particular may experience a range of emotions in response to changes in the family dynamic. Some amount of sadness is to be expected, but anger, anxiety, guilt, and confusion are also common emotional responses. 

Changes in Behavior

Depending on the age of the children and the circumstances of the divorce, children may exhibit new behavior like withdrawing, becoming defiant, or struggling academically. Some of the behavior may be a way for them to express their emotions or ask for attention.

Parentification

One specific behavior that children in divorce sometimes develop is taking on roles or responsibilities usually associated with adults, or parentification. They might feel as if they should take care of their parents financially, emotionally, physically, or in other ways, and may act accordingly.

Financial Strain

Especially in the early stages of divorce, finances can be an issue while the parents work through splitting up assets and deciding on child support, custody, and spousal support issues. Changes in living standards and housing might be difficult for the child, and decreased finances might limit extracurricular activities, vacations, and other luxuries.

Strategies to Support Children Affected by Divorce

Understanding some of the ways divorce might affect your children is the first step toward developing strategies to support them and mitigate negative effects. The following are a few strategies to consider:

• Keep the communication lines open – Be as honest and transparent as you can and allow your children to do the same. Try to have age-appropriate conversations about what is happening, and always reassure them that they are safe and loved.

• Do your best to focus on their practical needs – Prioritize meeting your child’s basic needs (e.g., housing, clothing, access to education and healthcare) and supporting them emotionally by listening. This supportive and nurturing environment will reduce their anxiety.

• Establish and maintain routines and strive for stability – During a time of transition and change, consistency and predictability will help your child feel secure. Try to set a regular schedule for meals, bed times, homework, and activities so your child knows what to expect and when. 

• Approach co-parenting positively – Work together with your former spouse to co-parent amicably, putting the best interests of your children first. Try to keep your interactions with your co-parent civil, and never involve your child in your own conflicts with your former partner.

• Model healthy self-care – Children learn best by example. When you seek out healthy ways to get the emotional support you need, such as starting a new hobby, developing a community, practicing mindfulness techniques, or attending therapy or counseling, they will know it’s ok to seek help and support when they need it.

Don’t go Through Divorce Alone

If you are considering divorce, you need a supportive team on your side. The family law attorneys at Lonich Patton Ehrlich Policastri (LPEP Law) can help you and your family navigate this emotional time. Call us at (408) 553-0801 to schedule a free, 30-minute consultation to discuss your case. We can help.

Disclaimer: This article does not constitute a guarantee, warranty, or prediction regarding the outcome of your legal matter.