You are not the same person you were 40, 30, 20, or even 10 years ago. Traveling to new places, meeting new people, and enjoying new experiences continue to change the person you are. Hopefully, that will continue throughout your life. Some couples change and grow together, navigating new interests and finding activities they both enjoy. They enter their golden years, excited for new adventures. Their children are grown and out of the house, and these couples are experiencing the freedom they had put on hold for so many years.

For other couples, they discover something altogether different. During those years of growth and change, their paths diverged. Now that they’re empty-nesters, their life together just feels empty. These couples understand that it may be time to part ways and start to experience life on their own terms. 

The second scenario is becoming increasingly common. So much so that it even has a name: gray divorce.

Why is Gray Divorce Trending Upwards?

You only need to look at the non-fiction bestseller list on any given week to see there is an increasing emphasis on prioritizing personal happiness. That concept has broad cultural implications. We’ve seen couples married for decades that we were sure would last “until death do us part.” They are now reevaluating their choice to stay in a marriage that doesn’t provide them with happiness and satisfaction. But what else has changed?

One significant factor is longer life expectancies. Advancements in healthcare mean that the 50 and beyond group are living longer, healthier lives. Vibrant seniors are entering a new phase in their lives, with decades still ahead. They want those remaining years to represent a fresh start, which means ending an unfulfilling marriage.

Society has become more accepting of divorce over the last few decades. Baby boomers, who have been shaking up societal norms since their births, are leading the way with the gray divorce trend.

Gray Divorce’s Challenges

Older couples navigating the decision to part ways are discovering that gray divorces come with their own set of challenges. After decades of marriage, couples have accumulated significant assets, such as their primary residence, a second property, investments, and multiple bank accounts. Their most substantial asset is likely a 401(k) that has had years to grow.

According to California’s community property laws, the couple’s assets must be divided 50/50. This includes the 401(k), even if only one spouse was making contributions. 

Another consideration is how California will determine spousal support. Many women have entered the workforce and built successful careers. Still, there are plenty of families where one parent stays home to raise the children while the other works outside the home. Spousal support may be substantial and permanent in gray divorces, where the couple was married for several years, with one parent out of the workforce.

Beyond the Financial Aspect of Gray Divorces

Divorcing after many years together could cause emotional turmoil, especially if one spouse doesn’t want the marriage to end. Identities become intertwined, and it can be challenging to unravel them. This situation can lead to loneliness and depression as one party faces the challenge of navigating a new reality.

Navigating a Gray Divorce Requires Special Care

Divorcing is hard, no matter how long you’ve been married. Still, gray divorces bring their own unique circumstances. They require a caring and compassionate attorney like ours at Lonich Patton Ehrlich Policastri. We have years of family law experience and are ready to help guide you through this challenging situation. We will ensure that your rights are protected and that you receive everything you are entitled to after your decades of marriage.

Contact us for a free consultation by calling (408) 553-0801 and start preparing for your second act.

Disclaimer: this article does not constitute a guarantee, warranty, or prediction regarding the outcome of your legal matter. 

When parents separate or divorce, one of the most significant concerns is child custody. A common question arises: Will the courts favor the mother in deciding custody arrangements? While many believe that mothers automatically have an advantage, the reality is more nuanced. Let’s explore how custody decisions are made and whether the belief about mothers being favored holds true.

How Courts Decide Child Custody

Family courts prioritize the best interests of the child above all else. This principle means that decisions are made based on what will provide the child with the most stable, loving, and supportive environment. Key factors include:

• The child’s age, health, and emotional needs
• Each parent’s ability to provide for the child (e.g., financially, emotionally, and physically)
• The child’s current routine and stability
• The child’s relationship with each parent
• Any history of abuse or neglect

Courts also consider the child’s preference, depending on their age and maturity. There is no automatic assumption that one parent, such as the mother, is inherently better suited to have custody.

Does the Mother Have an Advantage in Custody Cases?

Historically, courts often awarded custody to mothers, especially for young children, under the “tender years doctrine.” This outdated belief assumed that young children needed their mothers for proper care.

Today, most courts have moved away from this presumption. Instead, they strive for gender-neutral custody decisions, meaning both parents have an equal chance to obtain custody based on their ability to meet the child’s needs.

That said, in some cases, mothers may still seem to have an advantage. For example:

Primary Caregiver Role

If the mother has been the primary caregiver—managing day-to-day tasks like meals, school activities, and bedtime routines—courts might view her as the more stable choice for custody.

Societal Expectations

Even though courts are more neutral today, societal expectations sometimes influence how custody arrangements are perceived. Mothers may still be seen as more nurturing, but this bias is decreasing.

Children’s Preferences

If children express a preference to live with their mother and can explain their reasons, courts often take this into account.

Can Fathers Get Custody?

Absolutely. Many fathers successfully gain custody, especially when they can demonstrate their involvement in the child’s life. Courts are increasingly recognizing the importance of fathers and the benefits of having both parents actively involved.

Fathers who are equally involved as caregivers and can show a strong emotional bond with their children have a solid chance of securing custody, either jointly or fully.

Joint Custody: A Common Outcome

In most cases, courts prefer joint custody arrangements where both parents share decision-making and parenting time. This approach allows children to maintain strong relationships with both parents.

Contact LPEP to Discuss Your Child Custody Case

While mothers historically had an advantage in custody battles, today’s courts emphasize fairness and the child’s best interests. Both parents are evaluated equally, based on their ability to provide a stable and supportive environment.

If you’re navigating a custody case, don’t hesitate to reach out to Lonich Patton Ehrlich Policastri. We understand how important family is, and we’ll do everything we can to help you see your children as often as you deserve. 

Contact us today to set up your free consultation. 

Disclaimer: this article does not constitute a guarantee, warranty, or prediction regarding the outcome of your legal matter.