Money can be a touchy issue, especially among close family members. According to an Ameriprise study, when siblings argue about finances, it’s usually about how an inheritance gets divided up and whether parents are being fair to each child when it comes to financial support. Fair distribution of assets in estate planning can be complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. The following are a few tips and strategies to help you navigate this process with your family.

Maintain Open Lines of Communication

While many people are uncomfortable talking about money, avoiding the discussion will only make things more difficult in the long run. Encourage family discussions about inheritance preferences (especially about sentimental objects like family heirlooms, jewelry, etc.) while everyone is still alive.

It’s best to set specific times for these discussions. Don’t try to have a serious conversation about estate plans at a holiday gathering. Even though everyone is together, the focus of holidays and special events should be about fun and togetherness.

Open lines of communication will hopefully promote transparency and help address potential grievances before they become a problem.

Decide Between Equal or Equitable Distribution

In many cases, equal distribution among siblings makes sense. However, it’s important to consider the individual circumstances of each child. If one sibling has been more involved in caregiving, for instance, it might be more fair to increase their share of the inheritance. Or, if one child is struggling financially, has special needs, or will require more financial help in the future, you might choose equitable distribution of your assets, rather than equal distribution. Clearly communicating this distinction to your children is important and might help protect against conflicts and hurt feelings.

Involve a Neutral Third Party

Many families find it helpful to hire a mediator or estate planning expert to facilitate difficult and sensitive discussions and establish a plan that is in everyone’s best interests. Siblings might be more willing to be honest with a neutral third party and feel more comfortable with this type of formal discussion and setting.

Consider Using Trusts as Tools

Setting up trusts or college funds is another way that you can thoughtfully provide for your children while also controlling the distribution of funds, protecting the assets from potential disputes, and minimizing conflict. 

Other Considerations to Avoid Conflict

Other things to think about when estate planning that might smooth out the process and head off sibling rivalry before it begins:

• Document everything – clearly outlining your wishes in your estate plan, including your rationale for how you’ve distributed assets, can reduce misunderstandings.
• Update regularly – be sure to review and update your estate plan as necessary to reflect current realities, especially if one child has a significant life change.
• Encourage good relationships  – promote positive interactions and relationships among siblings. Family activities, shared vacations, and even therapy might minimize sibling rivalry.
• Prepare for conflict – acknowledge that disagreements may still arise and have a plan for how to handle disputes, including mediation.

Our Estate Planning Group Has Been Helping Families Like Yours Since 1994

When it comes to protecting your family’s future, the estate planning attorneys at Lonich Patton Ehrlich Policastri can help you have the difficult but important conversations you need to have and go over all your estate plan options so you can make informed decisions. Call us today to set up a free consultation.

Disclaimer: this article does not constitute a guarantee, warranty, or prediction regarding the outcome of your legal matter.